A Letter To My Father

Dear Dad,

I really didn’t know how you feel while going through so much.

I didn’t know how you feel with the cancer spreading all over your body.

I really don’t know.

All my life, I couldn’t figure out the care, love, warmth, empathy, motivation hidden behind your criticism, wise words, and continuous tantrums.

Maybe, you were always expressionless that led to the communication gap.

Maybe, it was.

But that doesn’t matter now.

Today, when you cry on my shoulders

I can sense that helplessness.

When you break down while saying something,

I can sense how weak you feel in your body.

When you keep looking at the ceiling with those empty eyes,

I can sense how it might feel when your whole world falls apart.

When you keep googling everything with that desperation,

I can sense that hopelessness you feel when all the doctors said ‘NO’ to us.

I might not understand you completely, dad.

But I can totally sense that lump of worry which forms everytime in your chest, when you look at us.

I can sense how vulnerable you feel.

I can sense how caged you’re feeling.

I can sense that feeling of rejection, failure and abandonment that you’ve felt all your childhood.

But you know what Dad?

Deep down in your eyes, amidst that chaos and sadness, I can strongly feel that determination to live.

That willpower with which you make every effort even in this condition.

That Honesty with which you follow everything the doctors said.

That hard work with which you follow all the diet plans.

And, if you wish to live, you will. That’s what I always tell you.

I can see it all. So, today on your 57th birthday, I’d say -

Don’t give up yet

Keep holding on

We’re not letting you go

Faith over Fears, always

We Love you.

With Love, Light & Power,

Your eldest daughter